How To Catch a Predator: Hylian Edition
by Twanny Bizzle
Summary: ONE-SHOT This is a parody of a show called Dateline NBC. If Ganondorf was on the How to catch a Predator show, how would you think he'll act? Well this story is about what I think Ganondorf would might do. Check it out.


**Hey! It's me and do I have a funny one-shot for you. Ok, so one day I flicking through the channels on my television trying to see if I could find something interesting on, so I happen to stumble across a program that was called "How to catch a predator!" You know that show that sometimes come on Dateline NBC. Anyway why I was watching this show I was like…WTF?! 25, 30, 40, and even 50 year old guys were like chatting on line with 12 and 14 teen year old girls and boys, these old guys were stupid and disgusting. So anywho, I was thinking, I could make a funny story about this. Check it out. **

**Dateline NBC with Toad Hanson**

**How to catch a Predator: Hylian Edition**

Toad Hanson was a Toad with green spots on his head, he wore a gray business suit with a red tie, he also wore gray slacks with black dress shoes.

Toad Hanson had just got finish with showing the viewers at home the last guy and was now getting ready to introduce the next person. "This next guy we're about to get into goes by the screen name of, daRkhoRnywizaRd." The little Toad said calmly as he sat on his stoop. "daRkhoRnywizaRd had one of the most disturbing chat logs we had ever read. We immediately tried to get him to chat with some our other young decoys, but this guy would just refuse to reply back, well that until we got the hero of Earthbound, Ness to help us out, so Ness got on and reply to daRkhoRnywizaRd comment; he went by the screen name of OnettMother2 by the way. Strangely enough daRkhoRnywizaRd seemed to immediately reply back to Ness." Toad Hanson then turned pointing at a computer screen in the background. "Here. Stay and read their very unusual chat.

* * *

OnettMother2: Um…Hi! daRkhoRnywizaRd XD, so what's up? What do you want to talk about? 

daRkhoRnywizaRd: Haaaa…XD Ness! It pleases me SO much to finally see that you log on just to chat with me!!!!!

OnettMother2: What're you talking about silly?! XD I'm not Ness, I'm OnettMother2.

daRkhoRnywizaRd: AHHHHH…NESS!!!!! You don't have to be coy with me!!!!! I know it's you…I can tell by the way your smooth youthful fingers type on the keyboard!!!! AHHH!!!!

OnettMother2:…Um…Wha? I-I'm not Ness. I don't even know anybody named Ness

daRkhoRnywizaRd: OMG! Ness! Your cluelessness is SO turning me on. I've just got to meet you in person!!!! I want to touch all over that blank face of yours, after that I want to split your butt cheeks, open them up and lick your butt hole dry.

OnettMother2: …O…K...

daRkhoRnywizaRd: OH! GOD! NESS!!!!! I WANT TO MARRY YOU!!!!!!!

OnettMother2:…Uh…I think I'm too young to get marry right now, plus I'm still living with my mom and dad. So don't you think they'll get mad if I leave and marry you?

daRkhoRnywizaRd: Ness! Everybody knows that you don't live with your parents! Right you're at the NBC recording studio trying to caught me on that How to catch a predator show.

OnettMother2: What…?!? No. No I'm not.

daRkhoRnywizaRd: It's doesn't matter, Ness! Do you honest think they'll be able to stop me?!? I don't call myself the Darkwizard for NOTHIN!!!!!!

* * *

The camera then got back on Toad Hanson, who was now sitting at a table. "The conversation with daRkhoRnywizaRd got so awkward, that Ness pleased with us to get off-line with him. But before Ness did get off, daRkhoRnywizaRd sent Ness pictures of his private parts." he then pulled out the pictures and show it to the camera. "It's sick and disgusting, he had tattoos and pierces all over his genital area." 

As Toad Hanson got up the camera followed him. "The good news to Ness' little chat was, that he convince daRkhoRnywizaRd to come to our special little house in Kentucky to meet him in person." Toad Hanson then sat down at another table, smiling. "The only thing we have to do now is wait…"

"We heard that daRkhoRnywizaRd is on his way here, he should be here any minute now." Toad Hanson's walkie-talkie then started vibrating, "Hello, this is Toad Hanson." Toad Hanson said as he placed the walkie-talkie to his head and listened to the other person on the other side talk. "Ok…" he said putting the walkie-talkie down. "It seems that daRkhoRnywizaRd have finally arrived." he then said running while looking at the camera. "Let's see what transpires."

* * *

Ness came to door and watched as four all black evil looking horses with fiery manes and red glowing eyes pulled up to the house pushing a black and purple carriage. "What in the heck?!" he murmured. A shady looking man came slowly walking out of the carriage. This man had a long black cloak and short frizzy red hair, he was also very muscular. "A-Are you daRkhoRnywizaRd?" Ness really couldn't tell who the person was, because it was really dark outside, and the shady man really blended in with the darkness. 

"Ness…It's been forever since I last seen you. You still haven't changed one bit!!!!" the shady man muttered with his eerie voice. The man then came walking out of the shadows. "You do remember me? Don't you, Ness?" the man said softly as he walked all the way onto the porch.

Ness eyes almost burst out of his head as he stared at the man. "Ga-Ga-Ga-Ganondorf?!?" he muttered out of deep regret for agreeing to something so…stupid.

Just like Ness had said earlier, the man who was standing on his porch was none other than the main villain of the Zelda games, Ganondorf. "Well, Ness, aren't you gonna invite me inside? It's rather chill out here this evening." Ganondorf said while as he perform a eerie chuckle.

"Y-Yes, O-Of course, c-come right on in." Ness said nervously. Ganondorf closed his eyes smirking as he walked past Ness. Ness could see a trail of purple fog following behind Ganondorf as he enter the house. "Oh…God…" Ness muttered as he shook violently.

Ganondorf stood in the living room looking at a huge pretty brown sofa. "Do you like that sofa…Ganondorf?!" Ness said smiling nervously at Ganondorf. "How about you sit down and make yourself comfortable? It's really cool, plus its new. My mom bought it yesterday." Ness watched as Ganondorf slowly sat down in the sofa. "…Uh…S-So what do you want to do first?" muttered Ness as he tried not making eye contact with him.

Ganondorf sat in the sofa with his legs cross smirking at Ness from across the room. "Ness…Let's just drop the small talk and get straight to what we were talking about on the computer." Ganondorf clothes magically came off his body, he had tattoos of the Gerudo Tribe all over his body. Ganondorf stood in front of Ness, smirking with nothing but his tighty-whities with pictures of Starmen on them. "Now be a good little boy. Come over here and let me tap that ass." he then got up and started slowly approaching Ness, while making his chest muscles move.

"W-Wait, Ganondorf! Did you bring the stuff you promise me on our chat?" Ness nervously said as he slowly walked away from Ganondorf.

"Yeah…The duck's in the trunk!!!!!" Ganondorf yelled as he lunged toward Ness. "Now come over here! I didn't travel all the way from The Forsaken Fortress just to sit here and blab with you until the sun comes up!!!!!"

Ness then went bomb rushing out of the room. "WAAAAA!!! He's outta his mind!" Ness screamed as he fled from an obviously insane Ganondorf. "There's no way in heck that I'm gonna let that horny wizard have his way with my little persons!!!" Ness muttered to himself.

Ness ran and ran, until he finally saw a huge wall not to far from him. "Oh goody! I can hide behind that wall!" Ness then leapt behind the wall. "Uh…I-I think I finally lost him…" he then started frantically looking around the room. "Where is that Toad Hanson guy?!? He told me that they wasn't gonna let him touch me…"

Ness then heard yelling coming from behind the wall. "NESS!!!!!!!" the yelling seemed to be close, but not close to where Ness was hiding.

Ness turned and saw Ganondorf punching and tearing holes in the wall, while running around screaming like a lunatic. "Uhwahhhhh…I don't want to do this anymore!!!!!!" Suddenly Ganondorf came bursting out the wall. "Butter cookies…" Ness muttered at he watched Ganondorf eyeball him while tumbling out of the wall.

"NESS!!!!!" Ganondorf shouted insanely as he pounced on top of Ness little a craze lion. "I finally found you!!!!" Ganondorf was drooling purple goop that drop all on top of Ness shirt. "I grow tired of these silly little games of hiding-go-seek." Ganondorf then started unbuckling Ness pants. "It's time for me to get what I most deserve."

Then out of nowhere Toad Hanson came casually walking inside the room where Ness and Ganondorf was in. "I couldn't agree more, now please have a seat." Ganondorf then turned and started hissing threateningly at Toad Hanson. "Please. Go ahead. Have a seat right here next to me." Toad Hanson said as he motion toward the seat next to himself.

Ganondorf then snarled. "Burn! You wretched little spud. Don't you see I'm about to take this little boy's innocent." Suddenly Ganondorf's body started lifting itself off of Ness' body. "What in the name of Din?!? What kinda treachery is this?!?" Ganondorf shrieked as his body made him forcefully walk and sit down next to Toad Hanson.

Toad Hanson then looked over to Ness and casually said. "Thank you for all your help, Ness. You can leave now."

Ness' eyes then filled up with tears. "Oh thank you, thank you so much, Mr. Hanson." Ness then quickly got off the ground.

Ganondorf screamed as he watched Ness run to the exit of the room. "NESS!!!!!" Ness then nervously turned around. Ganondorf paused as he stared at Ness and then started laughing extremely manically as the chair he sat in started shaking wildly. "Mwahahahahaha…Mwhahahahahah…MWHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!"

"AHHHHHHH!!!!!" Ness screamed out of the fear as he leapt through a window, breaking it into pieces.

Toad Hanson just stared at Ganondorf as he continued to laugh manically. "Your name is Ganondorf if I recall, yes?" The little Toad said as he took a sip of his coffee. "Why did you…Really come here, Mr. Ganondorf?"

Ganondorf lifted his head smirking as he turned toward Toad Hanson. "I'm pretty sure my intentions were obvious."

Toad Hanson then pulled out a piece of paper "Your chat log was one of the most disturbing things we ever had read. You said you like little boys between the age of ten…to even." he then stared at Ganondorf. "Three month old babies?!? You're a very sick man, Mr. Ganondorf! What could you possible achieve in having relations with a baby?"

Ganondorf just laughed. "I believe my taste in little children aren't any of your concerns, you wretched little spud."

Toad Hanson then pulled out pictures with Ganondorf's private parts all over them. "Are these the pictures you show to Ness during your chat?" Ganondorf started at the pictures and laughed. "You're disgusting, you know that right? You'll be put away for a long time. What you're doing is against law, it's what's call soliciting sex from minors." he then pointed toward a door. "You can leave now, Mr. Ganondorf. Hopefully I don't have to sit down and have this little interview with you again."

Ganondorf got up and slowly headed to the door. "If you actually think that this little discussion we just had, is really gonna change who I am…" he then started laughing as he exited the house. "Then you obviously don't know who I really am!"

Soon as Ganondorf got outside swarms of Hylian Knight surround him. "Get on the ground…You sick son a bitch!" The knights shouted as they brutally beat him down to the ground. "You're under arrest for attempted child molestation."

But instead of feeling shame, Ganondorf just laughed right in the knights face. "Who in the hell do you think you're laughing at, you bastard?!?" One of the knight seethed as he slammed his lance into Ganondorf face.

The camera then followed behind some of the knights as they open up the trunk of his carriage. "Let's see what he brought with him…" One of the knights muttered as he dug inside Ganondorf's trunk. "He got some condoms, lubricants…And…Wait…W-What the hell…?! What kinda freak is this guy?!?" he then motion the camera crew to get closer. "This bastard brought some barbed wire, some steel chains, a beating strap…and…a d-duck?!?" the duck then jumped out of the trunk and ran down the street.

"We're sending this nutcase to the hospital, after that he'll put away in the Hyrule County Jail." The knight then loaded Ganondorf inside their police car and drove off.

Toad Hanson then came back on for his final words. "Please everyone, remember to watch and monitor what your children do while their chatting inside a chat room. This has been Toad Hanson with Dateline NBC, good night everyone."

Link sat there in front of his T.V. with his mouth wide open. "...W-What in the...Ganondorf's a child molester?!?"

**THE END?????????**


End file.
